Under the stress of uncertainty, most people regress and become more immature, irritable, needy or impulsive, no matter what their personality type was before the impending end, giving way to a sense of vengeance.
Revenge mentality thrives on hatred and those who give in to this emotion are caught in a whirlwind of negativity. All of their energy is focused on how to protect themself from the threat of uncertainty, while thinking of ways to get back at the other person for causing such chaos in their lives. When a person is in this negative state, they believe their story far outweighs that of anyone else. They just want to win the court battle that will prove them right, while losing vast amounts of money and time defending their need to prove a point.
TIT FOR TAT
Most times they lose sight and focus of creating a reasonable settlement agreement that is realistically enforceable, only to realise that once the dust has settled, the tit-for-tat behaviour has left them out of pocket. They will have lost moments best spent creating a nurturing environment for their children who are facing just as big, maybe even a bigger, loss than their parents.
RMB Wands Attorneys address the emotional instability surrounding a divorce created by vengeful behaviour by the parties and in their opinion as follows: “Children are often the first concern when divorce proceedings commence. Parents find it emotionally difficult to cope with the reality that they will not see their child as much as they ordinarily would have. Although we are not in a position to diagnose trauma, it is not difficult to see that some of these parents suffer from some form of trauma, in one form or another. It is our opinion that matters involving the minor child should be resolved as soon as possible, through round table mediation, so as to prevent any unnecessary suffering for the children affected by divorce proceedings.”
TAKE A PAUSE
It’s never too late to heed this advice and start moving in the right direction to a more constructive resolution of your relationship problems with someone that produces workable, constructive results. So the next time you want to jump into the ring with a spouse or partner who is challenging your mental state, take a moment and ask yourself the following:
- Will screaming/yelling really help? Will manipulation truly get me the results I desire?
- Will hurtful actions toward my ‘ex’ give me the post relationship I really want?
- Will a display of my anger through words and behaviour bring me ultimate solace?
- Have I taught my children the best lesson on how to handle the end of a relationship?”
- Am I a prime example to my children on how to let go and move on?
- If you have answered ‘no’ five times, you are on your way to a more mature resolution of the end of your relationship, and getting on with your life the best you can.
Yes, this can be difficult to do from an ego perspective. But when you think about how much joy it can mean to your children when they see both of their parents getting along, it is more than worth the swallowing of your pride. By taking the high road and modelling responsible, effective behaviour, you are giving your children the gift of learning how to do that themselves. One day your children will thank you for being a model parent, despite the challenges you faced. And I am certain you will be proud of the stronger person you worked so hard to become.
