Lately you and your spouse are just not getting along, and suddenly the simple decisions in your daily lives become hurdles to overcome. Has walking out the door with a smile on your face become a frustrating exercise?
Every relationship experiences these niggles, whether its deciding on dinner plans, taking time out to deal with a sick child, or what to do and where to go over the holiday season. If not dealt with from the onset, these issues could lead to tension in your relationship that will eventually blow up into a fully-fledged argument at any given time over any other issue.
Compromising usually leads to one person having to give up their time or their turn to decide so as to accommodate the other – and more often than not it is one person who has to compromise more than the other. As you first read this you may think that the answer is as simple as sharing your time and responsibilities equally. Yet defining ‘equal’ can prove to be more difficult than simply saying it out loud or even thinking it.
The key to handling any discomfort surrounding any decision is constant communication, which should not be destructive (shouting and verbally offensive) but rather constructive (listening and acknowledgement).
EFFECTIVE METHODS FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION
SPEAK POSITIVELY
Your child needs to be fetched from school and this responsibility usually falls on one parent, but a crisis at work may leave them late on that particular day; offer to do the school run. No matter the difference on how the plan should be carried out, both of you must work together to get to the end goal. Forget about who should be right and concentrate on resolving the issue with positive suggestions.
BE APPRECIATIVE
If one person has always taken care of the children while the other has maintained a steady income to keep the household running, appreciate each other for the value you both add to maintaining a well-run house and well-cared-for children. A simple ‘thank you, for everything you do’ goes much further than you expect. If you are feeling unappreciated, then look at the other person and thank them for what they do to make your life comfortable. Often that person will then in turn show appreciation for everything that you do too. Speaking to each other in a tone of kindness can take away any lingering hurt that may have been caused long before your actual conflict may have arisen.
GAIN PERSPECTIVE
Stubbornness plays no part in moving a relationship forward. If you know that you can help resolve a crisis, yet you feel that your importance and train of thought is more valuable to you, step out and look at the crisis from the other person’s point of view. Take time to understand their daily pressures and sacrifices. This may help you understand any underlying frustration they may be projecting in their conversation with you.
Trying to understand each other under trying circumstances and coping with the fact that both people are not on the same page will help both of you to create methods of communication that will help when a crisis beyond either of your control falls on your shoulders.
